Who Actually Participated in the Early Morning, All-Mission, Scripture Read?

Remember it? Each year, President Pope would select a book of scripture. Every morning, at the same time, the entire mission was to rise and, and as an apartment, read 5 or 10 pages (I can't remember which) from that book. The idea was that it would unify the entire mission in scripture study and prayer.

My trainer did it with me. After that...........no. Never again. Not a single apartment I ever lived in participated in it. And I never initiated it, either.

アイ ライク ビグ バツ アンド アイ カナト ライ

There are some things I did on the mission that . . . I may be going to Hell for. Irreverent things that I took part in out of sheer hilarity. Most often, but not always, Tanner was there while these aforementioned "things" were going down. I want to say that they were all his idea, but that maybe me trying to buck some of the responsibility to save my soul.

One such instance occurred towards the end of my mission, when I was in Naha. I was the leader of a district that, if I remembered correctly, consisted of Tanner, Denning, Ishi Shimai, Ikushima Shimai, Tokuno and myself.

One day at the end of district meeting an idea was had. Why don't we write various English sayings in Katakana and have the Nihonjins in the district read it out loud . . . you know, to see if it's hilarious or not?

"アイ ライク ビグ バツ アンド アイ カナト ライ" was written on the white board, we counted to three and then Tokuno and the shimais read it out loud. "Ai raiku bigu batsu ando ai kanato rai" which sounded close enough to "I like big butts and I can not lie" to send us into effusive fits of laughter.

This practice was repeated many times at the end of many other district meetings. Other phrases were also incorporated into this practice, like for instance, "ルク アト イト ベフォル イト デストローーーーーーーーユス ヨー" (or "Look at it before it destroooooooooys you!" which is from a SNL skit Denning often entertained us with)


Not long after this time the two Naha districts were combined into one, and I can't remember if we continued writing things in Katakana for the Nihonjin Senkyoshi's to read, but here we are. Pictured in this photo is the new combined Naha District: (Top) Tokuno, Ishi, Ikushima, (Middle) Estez, Glass (me), Cohn, Walquist, Wood, Denning and Tanner.

Still to this day I can't help but laugh when I think of their innocent faces earnestly trying to sound out the hook from Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back, completely oblivious to the meaning. Then I remember that some day I am going to have to answer for what I have done.

Christmas Memories of the Mission

I remember Elder Loris and others in the Naha region coming over to my bean apartment (Naha South) for a Christmas party. Spencer had hung lights around the window and brought out the Christmas music. Most of the Elders, however, were more focused on the picture of Mariah Carey in that tight red outfit on the cover of the CD. That evening, Solen and I went on splits. Into those dense neigborhoods we went to share the Gospel on Christmas Day. We didn't have any success. Being beans, most people had no clue what we were even saying.

I never had trouble with homesickness at Christmas time. If I had served my mission in New England where every home is draped in snow and wreaths adorn every door, it may have been a different story. But Christmas for the Okinawans was pretty much just like every other day of the year.

In December of the next year, I was in Kadena. Gifts were arriving for me in the mail from home and each was marked with instructions to not open anything until Christmas Day. So I obeyed. But a week before Christmas, I got a transfer call (it was a Christmas gift from President Pope) and instead of loading up the honbu van with a bunch of unopened boxes, I opened everything early for easier packing.

So my second Christmas found me in Okinawa-shi. Elder Clark adorned a Santa-suit, and the entire district hit the bikes for an evening of caroling. He looked absolutely ridiculous with the bike helmet squashing his Santa-hat down around his ears. The people who spotted us out on the road thought so to, as evidenced by their smiles and pointing.

When I returned home from the mission, I had changed a lot, obviously, as most missionaries do. I was surprised to find out that my mother planned on having a Christmas as usual, lavishing far too much money on each of her children, myself included. I was expecting one gift from my parents and felt this was quite reasonable now that I had grown up. So I was somewhat embarrassed to find myself smiling pretty for the camera as I opened gift after gift on Christmas morning around the tree.

The simple things of the mission...

I saw a commercial yesterday for Fed Ex in which a number of business executives were having a board meeting and discussing finances from the comfort of massage chairs. It reminded me of when we (Glass, Chesnut, Johnnie, and I) would go to an electronics store in Itoman on P-Days and sit in massage chairs and watch TV that was completely unintelligible. It caused me to reflect that is was the simple joys of living in Okinawa that made the mission not only bareable, but enjoyable. Like the bike trips around Itoman, the late night talks with friends, and the speculation about whose companion would be sent home early first.

Cosmos and Moonbeam

Solen and I were tracting one night in Kadena as our companions were off elsewhere doing the work of the Lord (we hoped). Okinawan nights were always so dark, and this night was no exception. We knocked on one door and were startled when an American opened it up. He came outside, got in our personal space, shut the door behind him, and proceeded to give us a hard time. It was the typical "bible-bashing" kind of stuff.

I was taken aback, not because I couldn't answer his questions, but because I always stumbled through my words when tracting out Americans. It was an unusual and uncomfortable situation for me. He, no doubt, interpreted my lack of gumption with weakness. He fed off of it.

But then, to our surprise, the door opened again and a woman with half of her head shaved said, "Jake! What are you doing? These guys go to my church. Come on in, guys."

Jake suddenly looked very embarrassed, "Oh man! I just wanted to have some fun with them."

Jane, the woman, was unknown to me. I was not attending the military branch in that area. She was inactive anyway. We entered the home where two other men were hard at work on the couch playing Sega.

Jane led us to a table and we sat down and began talking. A little while thereafter, two more people arrived at the house: a man and a woman, whom Solen and I nicknamed Cosmos and Moonbeam, respectively.

Cosmos sat down on the couch to get in on the Sega action. Moonbeam joined us at the table for the discussion. When she realized that religion was the topic, she piped up, "I don't really get into any religion right now, but I am finding a lot of joy playing Dungeons and Dragons."

As our discussion about God continued on, Cosmos, still sitting on the couch, leaned toward us and said, "You know, the gods of the elves and the dwarves are a lot like the gods of the Native Americans."

Uh-huh...................

Solen and I left not long after that, thankful to have been able to prove that there is escape from the Twilight Zone.

Okinawa Dendobu Google Map

I created a Japan Okinawa Dendobu Google Map marking all the apatos, chapels, other points of interest, and current kikan senkyoshi locations.

At least that's what I want it to be. I tried to find all the apatos I could . . . which was a three, and I found a bunch of the chapels through the meeting house locator on lds.org, but I could only find eight: Nago, Ishikawa, Okinawa-Shi, Futenma, Shuri, Naha, Oroku, and Itoman (I'm pretty sure the Itoman chapel is not in the same place as when we were there).


View Larger Map

Marker Color Key:
Blue for Choro Apatos
Red for Shimai Apatos
Green for Chapels and Other Church Buildings
Pink for Points of Interest
Purple for current Kikan Senkyoshi locations

The map is set so anyone can edit it. I appreciate your help in making this as comprehensive as possible.

At the very least put where you are currently living . . . only if you're willing to part with that info. Thanks!

The Strange and the Unexplained

I imagine each missionary on Okinawa experienced something which has never adequately been explained. The years have passed and still no resolution is to be found. The nature of missionary work on Okinawa is just like that. I have a story which has boggled my mind ever since. Here goes:

In the Oyama Proselyting area, which consisted of the western half of the city of Ginowan and even a little bit of Chatan in the North, Norton and I were visiting a kind couple in a rather costly-looking house not too far from the apartment. Their spiritual progress was non-existent, but we visited about once every two weeks, just to prepare the "playing field," so to speak.

After Norton transferred, I continued to try to see them, but they were never home. Eventually Elder Field became my companion, yet still they were never home.

I noticed that their property was beginning to deteriorate, as if no one was around to care for it. I peeked in through the windows one day and could see that everything inside was in proper order. Furnishings, TV, odds-and-ends on the coffee table -- it was all still there.

We continued to try to catch them at home, until one bizarre day when Field and I saw a small van backed up to their door. The back doors of the van were wide open, the front door of the home was wide open, and someone was removing their furnishings bit-by-bit and shoving it all in the van. I looked into the home. Nothing was boxed up. The remote controls for the TV were still sitting on the table! Everything was being removed piecemeal. It was one of the most unusual things I ever did see.

I can't remember if I knocked or called out, but some man wearing a one-piece work suit approached. I asked if the family was present and he responded, "We're cleaning. "

Cleaning, indeed. I left and never went back.